Take a break from football while you wait for the UT vs Maryland game to restart after this rain delay. I’ve got a story for you.
Alright, I realize I just started this blog and hardly anyone outside of my immediate family and a couple of friends even care about it. I know of a handful of folks outside of my circle that have checked it out, told me they liked it and committed to keeping tabs on us. So I understand it may not be smart to start blogging about anything outside of sports when the only reason anyone has viewed the page is because they want to read about sports. But at the end of the day, I am a normal American doing my best to contribute to this society, and when I experience something as absurd as what I experienced today… I will not #sticktosports! So here’s the story…
As some know, in addition to being a full time student I coach football part time at a small private school. Yesterday’s practice was especially hot. There was little to no shade and I forgot to wear a towel under my hat to protect the gross white skin on my neck from that jerk we call the sun. So after about 4 hours of coaching both the Jr High and High School teams, I decided go take a dip in my parents small swimming pool. I get there, cool off in the pool for about 20 minutes then head inside to chat with my mom. Soon after, my dad walks in and asks me to go turn off the water hose outside. Because I respect my father, I ignored the fact that he very easily could have done this himself, and did what he asked. What I saw during my short journey to the side of the house was nothing short of preposterous. I step on the front porch, look up and see about 6 or 7 wasps hovered around the porch light. I think to myself “wow, thats a lot of wasps!” For those who do not know, I HATE wasps, bees, hornets, really anything that can fly and sting (or bite or whatever those evil pests do). So I quickly made my way past them. I then walk past the two bedroom windows, and I kid you not, I saw 1 million wasps! Many of which have made their way inside my poor little brothers window and are hiding like little stealth masters behind his blinds. So what did I do? Well first I turned off the water hose because, again, I respect my father. But then I went inside and prepared for war! I put a hoodie on (bugs like fair skin, gotta protect the arms), I grab a fly swatter and a can of some spray thats about to rock these little demons world. I yell to Pop and instruct him to do the same. We walk outside and give these bugs history lesson. Topic: August 6, 1945, Hiroshima! Long story short, we displayed team work the likes of which could only be matched by the greatest sports duos in history. We were Jordan and Pippen, LeBron and Wade. At one point one was coming at Dads face, he gave it a spray and slowed it down, I reared back, gave an Altuve-like leg kick, and buddy let me tell you that bug would have left any stadium in the majors! We must have set some sort of record for wasps killed in 20 minutes. Also, we killed about 15 more that were hiding in my brothers window sill. Obviously, we had to dispose of those bodies. So I scooped them up on the fly swatter, dropped them in the toilet and peed on them. Why? Because screw wasps!
So that’s the story of how I learned that east Texas has a wasp problem. And also how I came to the decision that I will be moving to another region of Gods chosen state as soon as I graduate college. Of course no matter where I go, it will be inside these state lines. I don’t care how many demon bugs I have to kill, #TexasForever!